the scariest word (for me)

what's the scariest word you've ever heard?

it's not necessarily about spooky things - ghosts, black magic, the walking dead people ... 

or phobia stuffs, like fire, snakes, darkness, small enclosed place (like coffin, box, etc) ...

for me, what I'm scared to hear most is ...

MARRIAGE.

seriously, at the moment I hear that word, I'll get panic.

why?

well, you see ...

MARRIAGE is not an easy thing that can be taken for granted. it's not like, "as long as I LOVE her/him, my marriage will be HAPPILY EVER AFTER ..." hello? get a life, we're not living in the fairy tales world. I don't even think that every fairy tales got happy ending, for example Little Mermaid story (don't consider the Disney's version, 'cause every fairy tales of its version always have a happy ending. huhu~)

MARRIAGE requires COMMITMENT. yes, to marry someone you need to find someone you LOVE, someone you've decided to SPEND your life with till the end ... but think of it, are you ready to pick up the responsibilities? guys, you know what should you do when you take someone to be your wife. you need to support her financially, provide her all the necessities, guide her how to live, share everything you got with her. and girls, marrying someone means you need to prepare yourselves being your husband's backbone. obey him, follow him wherever he goes ... bring his children in your womb, help him to raise up your growing family. can you do that?

you may say, "I CAN" for now.

but let see if it will go on your way ... no need to look so far, just take a year of it.

believe me, if you don't take it seriously, it'll affect you, the people around you & the rest of your life.

I grew up in a confusing family situations. my parents divorced when I was 8, we four siblings were separated from my mom for almost 5 years ... and as I entered my 20's life, I've experienced lots of situations that force me to make the right decisions or I'll have my life crushed down. frankly speaking, I'm actually still not prepared to enter the adulthood - there will be more responsibilities to take care of ... and when some people mention about getting MARRIED, at this time ... I'm like, "WHAT?".

I'm scared if I can't fulfill my responsibilities as a married woman. I don't want to repeat the same family situation anymore.

I just want to live a life without so much regret. I want to ensure that the guy I'm married with is the right person that I can always count on ... without having to hurt people around us (our family, our friends, our children ...) I wanna make the right decision.

there were times that some particular people proposing me (indirectly) to marry them. but I never respond. 'cause  I'm not ready to take the COMMITMENT ... at least for this moment.

remember, taking someone to be your wife/husband is not like choosing the cloth in your closets. pick it whenever you like. throw it away whenever you get bored of it. don't take the marriage oath for granted, say it only when you really mean it ... and never fail to fulfill it.

yes, I'm still not ready to commit in MARRIAGE. and it scares me a lot. :(

p/s: guys marry when the time is right. girls marry when the guy is right ... is it? hmmm.